It is entirely possible that Jose Canseco is the dumbest man in America.
If you followed his Major League Baseball career at all, you knew that he wasn’t the sharpest syringe in the bag to begin with, but this remarkable, scathing first-person account by the great Pat Jordan of what Canseco’s life has become post-baseball might surprise even the most jaded and cynical fan. It did me.
What’s truly amazing (as my dad used to say) is not that he’s broke, unreliable and living with a junior college graduate named Heidi, but that people keep offering him work. Moron that he is, he can’t even take the easiest of paydays.
“Over the last few years, (Canseco’s agent) Rob has negotiated prospective deals for Jose worth almost $2 million. Rob got Taco Bell to ante up $25,000, plus residuals, for Jose to star in a TV commercial in which Jose would hold up a huge burrito and say, “This thing’s gotta be on something.” Jose demanded $50,000 instead and Taco Bell walked. Rob also got Jose an offer of $100,000 from GoldenPalace.com, which would require Jose simply to wear that company’s t-shirt and cap whenever he was on TV. Jose demanded $200,000 and Golden Palace walked. Then, Rob got Jose an offer of $75,000 from a reality TV show that wanted to film Jose in a wheelchair for thirty days. Jose demanded more, and the TV show vanished. Finally, Rob got Jose an offer of $500,000 for a movie based on his life, but Jose demanded $1.5 million and the offer vanished.”
Here’s hoping Canseco vanishes like the commercial, TV and movie opportunities. I fear he’ll take someone with him when he goes, though.