So, yes, the Kansas City Wizards are no more. They’re now Sporting Kansas City, which, to hear their CEO tell it, isn’t European at all, nosiree, not one bit.

“This, to us, is not European whatsoever,” (Rob) Heineman said. “This is all about our connection to the community and us trying to be innovative in what we’re trying to do.

“(It’s not) a ripoff,” Heineman said. “That’s the furthest thing from the truth…we’re not just calling ourselves Real Salt Lake or F.C. Dallas. We’re going to go do and embody the name we’re giving (ourselves). That’s not to say it won’t fail. But I don’t feel it’s going to.”

Nah, it won’t fail. At the end of the day, it’s just a name, and their new stadium and committed local ownership will mean they’ll be a stable franchise just a few years after they were on the selling block and rumored to be moving to St. Louis or Philadelphia or some place. I’m just tilting at windmills here. I get that.

But, please, don’t try and tell us this isn’t European. Don’t try to tell us this isn’t an attempt to appeal to what, in 2010, we consider “authentic” soccer fans (and “being authentic” now in American soccer means “authentically ripping off the authentic stuff from actually authentic people we saw on television”). Please don’t try to tell me that “Real Salt Lake” and “FC Dallas” are Europosing names, but “Sporting Kansas City” isn’t. Stop it. Just stop.

EDIT: I missed this last night, but I’m not sure I could have come up with better ones. I think “Galatallahassee” is my fave, but only because I lived there, once, a long time ago.

• Building a statue to Bud Selig.
• Un-retiring a retired number.
• Claiming sex addiction.
• Bill Cowher’s continued bellowing yesterday that the NFL overtime rule has to be changed. As if the current rule is that the team that wins the coin flip gets to go out there with its offense and the other team doesn’t get to send out its defense.
• Most of the Super Bowl commercials. Seriously, whatever you’re paying your ad agencies, Corporate America, it’s too much.
• Warren Sapp. He’s just a bad guy. Always has been a bad guy.
• And the parenting skills of the Spears family. Honestly, any men out there reading this: it’s paramount that you have a positive relationship with your daughter(s) and make them feel loved and respected. Else they’ll end up (a) on the pole, or ( b) a mom at 16 and dating a 28-year-old at 18.

She’s always there. Ever faithful. Eternally available. And I have no idea who she is.

I spend a lot (too much) time in hotel rooms on the road while traveling for business, but she’s in more hotel rooms than I am (wipe that smile off your face right now, mister!). She’s there when I arrive. She’s always happy to oblige when I need to see the trailer for National Treasure: Book of Secrets for the 57th time. When I depart, she remains, waiting patiently for our next rendezvous in a city yet unknown.

Who is she? Where is she from? And who is she with when I’m at home? Do I dare think about that?